Three Clean CEO Joke Options To Open Or Close Any Speech

Sometimes You Gotta Tell A Joke

Keep these in your pocket for when you plan to tell a joke to open or close your next speech or presentation. Break them out if you need to at a client dinner. Heck, these are clean so tell them to kick-start an early morning coffee meeting. Use them to break the ice when needed. These are all CEO-relatable jokes. They hit home with executives, managers, and all the staff. Prospects and clients need to be loosened up with jokes sometimes. Have jokes ready to go that have a tasteful business flavor that jabs fun at CEOs. Being able to make fun of the top dog in a respectful way shows comfortableness from the presenter, which puts everyone at ease. It sets the stage for fun and candor, which is conducive to conducting mutually agreeable deals. Plus, if you are a CEO then you can use these as self-deprecation to be more endearing and empathetic. This helps boost charisma and influence.

Just remember, telling a joke well has as much to do with the delivery as the actual joke. You still need great material though. Plus you have to know your audience. Memorize these three jokes and be ready when you need them. Practice the delivery. Don’t draw the telling out too long. Keep a fluid-like pace when telling jokes. Use your voice and tone to draw in the audience. Then land the punch line like a pro. Learn to evolve the way you tell it based on audience response and personas. Most of all though, have fun and make people laugh. Make them genuinely smile at the least.

Check out these three clean CEO jokes.

A Professor, CEO, And Janitor Go Camping

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor go camping in a forest. While hiking off the path they discover a lamp. After rubbing on it, a genie pops out! The genie says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.” The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” So he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids’ screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up. The CEO says, “I’ll be a waiter. All you do is remember the menus, learn the daily specials, hone your wine tasting skills, take people’s orders, and carry food. That’ll be a breeze!” So he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up. The janitor says “I’ll be an artist,” so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for 100M dollars. The genie in amazement asks the janitor how he was so clever. The janitor says “I got a Masters Degree in art.”

The Three CEOs In Jail Together

Three CEOs were in a jail cell. The first guy said “I got put in here because I raised my prices and the government accused me of price gouging” The second guy replied, “Really, I got put here because I lowered my prices and the government accused me of unfair competition!” The third guy then said, “Damn, I got put here because I just set my prices to the market level and I got accused of collusion!”

The CEO And The Shredder

An employee was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO looking frantic and standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. He was staring hopelessly at the paper. Sweat ran down his face. The CEO heard the employee’s shoe heel squeak on the polished floor. he turned to him and said, “Listen to me, man! This is a very sensitive and important document here and my executive assistant has gone for the night. She can’t help me. Make sense! For the love of everything holy, can you make this thing work?” Stunned yet wanting to keep his job the employee quietly said, “Certainly, whatever you need.” He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. “Excellent, excellent! Thank you,” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredding machine. “The courier is en route here to expedite that original critical document to its destination tonight. I just need one copy.”

Bonus Joke

I already gave it to you… hence the image. Here’s how you deliver it.

Definition of CEO

Does anybody here know what CEO stands for?

*Pause to let people naturally blurt out, “Chief Executive Officer,” then deliver the punch line with pizazz.

Nope! That’s not it. CEO stands for, Chief Executive Over-thinker.

Use these jokes wisely. If you are worried about rejection then take a deep breath. In your mind or out loud say The 15 Categories of Rejection that exist in the world to put your mind at ease (Seriously though, you do know the 15 Categories of Rejection, right?). Remember to have fun. Keep this handy psychology hack at the ready; the more you smile genuinely to your audience, the more your audience will smile back at you. This helps put people at ease and increases your chances to build the type of rapport you